In Radio Years, I am at the age where I have grown tired of Magic FM - if that even still exists - with its BeeGees replays and Lionel Richie Songs that can still - at the appropriate moment - really mean something and hit you right in the heart. In true Bridget Jones style you want to sing out and cry all at the same time in your car… ‘Hello .. Is it me you’re looking for?’… And for those three magical minutes the song you’ve heard over a thousand times suddenly takes on new meaning and you realise the pure genius of it’s simplicity. Blah blah… Switch over and it’s some reggae pirate station. I outgrew that a decade ago when it finally dawned on me that it was better just to say ‘hello’ than ‘wa g’wan’ or ‘w’appnin’.
In my continuing search for something to satisfy my soul I pass by the relentless grinding of the endless dance stations that seem to be playing garage music. I thought we left that fad behind back in 2000. Along with two step, speed garage and Craig David, but it seems I’m mistaken. I pause on a local radio station to listen to Tracey Sharpe from Tring and John Mooring offering their for and against arguments on the “ importance of Morris Dancing”. Mooring’s dull, monotone voice - enough to put me to sleep - is offset by Tracey Sharpe’s hearty enthusiasm for the subject. Mastermind awaits her…
I find myself almost hypnotised, but just in time the horn from the car behind snaps me back to my senses and I scan the radio again, settling on old and rather familiar territory. On a journey such as this one, with a minimum of two and half hours left to drive, you’re going to need that safe shoulder to prop you up at the wheel… to keep your eyes from sagging (we hope) and stimulate your mind until you hear the gravel of the driveway crunching under your wheels. I could only be referring to Radio 4. That’s right, Radio 4. Two words which beg more than two questions.
What does that say about me? The first time you listen to radio 4 and take pleasure from it can only be described as a rebirth, a losing of virginity. You are so filled with this new found intellectual adrenaline that you can’t understand how or why you didn’t come to it sooner. What’s more, you can now proudly count yourself part of the Radio 4 listeners club. This enables you casually to drop into conversation some fact or titbit… something along the lines of ‘Green papaya helps to reduce cancer’ … giving you immediate Radio 4 status. But hang on. As it turns out you don’t really want this status do you, because in Radio years, you’re not Radio 4 are you? You’re not in your forties or fifties. Nor are you a stiff, intelligent, perhaps frustrated type in your mid-twenties either. It’s not until you tune in a second time that this occurs to you.
This time around it’s a program on the Australian yellow spotted frog. Professor Jack Jones from the Georgia Shwartz Institute of Biological Research, who recently won a Nobel prize for his works on the Australian yellow spotted frog and his finding that it could prove a cure for cancer by 2020, is being interviewed for at least an hour. An hour of your not so precious time, where you find yourself still listening to Jack Jones, trying to be interested, trying to wean another Radio 4ism… Just in case you ever find yourself discussing the varied habits of frogs. Perhaps you might be able to sway a conversation in that direction in order to impress upon your listener or – even better - listeners this life-changing information.
This of course is the awful moment you remember that you don’t want to be a part of the Radio 4 club after all, you’ve outgrown Magic, there’s a time and place for Heart FM (and now isn’t it) and Radio 1 has just become noise (a tell tell sign of age and proof that you are in fact heading towards the Radio 4 club). Radio 2 is acceptable, but let’s face it, pretty unpredictable in its output which changes with the time of day. And anyway, how many times can you listen to Five million bicycles in Beijing really? And Eva Cassidy hasn’t been dead long enough to justify the number of plays. And although you recognise that you too have fallen in love with her voice, her music just has not been out in the ether long enough for you to have your Lionel Richie epiphany moment.
Where do you go? Which wave can you ride? You’re lost. What do you do when you’re lost in your part time radio 4 listener thirties with no A-Z on radio routes? Well, you ponder this whilst driving comatose along the M3 in your car. You think about your life, where you are at, and you carry on getting lost, lost in your dreams and aspirations about all that you could be and could do. All the things you have not done too. And you start to compile a mental list. On that list is this one very important thing. Something that could reawaken something inside of you, that could get your brain ticking over faster than any Radio 4 scientific discovery ever could… what is it? It is of course to write a book! It goes without saying that the whole world is definitely going to want to know all about your life. Because you are so different, clever, witty, funny, why not?
In truth, the reason why you, reader, find yourself reading this is because I, the part time radio 4 listener, a woman almost mid thirties, found myself driving one day on my long distance journey pondering all I could be and thought to myself that very thought… light bulb moment… “I could write a book”… What type of book though? A novel would be too hard… Perhaps some short children’s books? No, the celebs have all done that…Perhaps some well researched book on the area where I live, Notting Hill. Nope, that’s been done… But I must write a book…. What can I write about, I’m not an author, am I ? Could I be?... Yes, of course I could!
As I ponder my new potential I’m drawn back to another Radio 4 interview. And what does the comedian being interviewed say? He says that when you hit 30 you suddenly feel the urge to write a book. It’s absolutely imperative. It’s urgent that we must at this juncture in our lives express our intellect through words. Not stop at contented ramblings in our diaries - if indeed we are sensible enough still to keep one. I’ve been trying to start a diary for about three months now. I even went to the largest Paper Chase in Tottenham Court Road and bought some fancy pink velvet book. I was tempted by the official teenage girl diary with its fluffy pom-pom pen attached and padlock that could be picked with your teeth, not to say a tooth pick. Back to the comedian’s thoughts on the subject of a book though. This desire suddenly to expose your great insights to the world apparently stems from the outgrowing of the teenage diary and a belief that you are now someone serious to be reckoned with in the world. You have status. A book would confirm this, wouldn’t it?
Before I can decide on a title though, the comedian is gone and the sound of gravel drowns out the radio.
Sunday 22 February 2009
Men in Trousers (Part III)
The Other high waisted creature is the antithesis to our first character. He is tall, a man of rather large but well proportioned stature. He wears a full trouser with front pleated pockets with half inch turn ups. He is averageing a height of 6ft 4 to which he must be thankful for he is able to carry off this classic 1950’s highwaist banded look only because of it.
I have tended to find this character on his way to work in Sothern Tennessee or Texas. I have yet to find him in Europe although I’m sure several must exist. He is a hard working and decent community fairing man who has done well for himself and stepped out of the mold in his own way. He is elegant and well groomed but he is not outrageous and will tend to wear this trouser in colours such as beige, burgundy, mustard or light tan. I would like to remind the reader that we are not in Europe and therefore must point out that in the southern states of America the above mentioned colour palette on a trouser or suit could with the right man and right style would easily be recognizable as smart and elegant. An acceptable unoutrageous colour palette.
There is little else to say about this man other than his smart but pragmatic leanings have lead him away from fashion and trend and so he can be found wearing a short sleeved shirts on a good day in white and on a bad day a paler shade of his chosen trouser colour i.e. khaki trouser, pale green shirt. Not nice! But somehow this man possible because of his nice disposition manages to supersedes the catwalks of fashion for he walks to his own southern step and sits comfortably in his heavy black leather brogues. In short he carries it off!
The Linen Man
1. The Creative Exec
This man is happy to wear linen because he is happy in himself. He is secure enough in his disposition not to allow the creases at the knees and thighs to affect his mood or day. He is taken seriously in the creative world in which he lives, therefore his casual linen look is allowed, almost preferred. He spends his days almost certainly in media and surrounded by media types be it TV, film or advertising but this man is a more bohemian linen wearer unlike his European contemporary. He is most probably aged 40+ but some youngers have been known to adopt this trouser look. He’ll be opting for the light beige or chocolate brown linen trouser or suit with loose tailoring, and a wide legged trouser, worn either with short sleeve but stylishly buttoned linen shirt or for the man in his younger years a plain round necked T-shirt. The trendy type can be found in opened toe smart leather sandals, stamping out their more bohemian identity or the more conservative type will settle for a suede or leather slip on brogue, suitable for street walking or perhaps chair sitting in Lords cricket ground with a panama propped on head to boot.
2. The European Aristocrat
This man too can be found sporting a panama to shade him from the sun as he sips a glass of rose from his own vineyard whilst seated at the head of the family table with views that look out on to Tuscan hills and valleys. He is wealthy and likes to enjoy life. He is naturally sophisticated and so to throw on a creaseless cream linen suit of which many hang in his wadrobe is indeed not at all an occasion for him. He is 65+ and chivalrous to younger ladies. His confidence supported by sharp tailoring and crisp white Italian shirts. His friendly laid back side is reflected in his brown suede tassled moccasins, most probably Salvatore Ferragano; accompanied by silk socks which suggest to the trained eye that here is a distinguished man who like the silk he wears is refined but strong. A man with texture with the inate ability to achieve great things, threading together the lives of others around him that he slips into with charisma and charm. His face, unlike his trousers bear the creases of time and character.
The other highwaisted man and more...
I have tended to find this character on his way to work in Sothern Tennessee or Texas. I have yet to find him in Europe although I’m sure several must exist. He is a hard working and decent community fairing man who has done well for himself and stepped out of the mold in his own way. He is elegant and well groomed but he is not outrageous and will tend to wear this trouser in colours such as beige, burgundy, mustard or light tan. I would like to remind the reader that we are not in Europe and therefore must point out that in the southern states of America the above mentioned colour palette on a trouser or suit could with the right man and right style would easily be recognizable as smart and elegant. An acceptable unoutrageous colour palette.
There is little else to say about this man other than his smart but pragmatic leanings have lead him away from fashion and trend and so he can be found wearing a short sleeved shirts on a good day in white and on a bad day a paler shade of his chosen trouser colour i.e. khaki trouser, pale green shirt. Not nice! But somehow this man possible because of his nice disposition manages to supersedes the catwalks of fashion for he walks to his own southern step and sits comfortably in his heavy black leather brogues. In short he carries it off!
The Linen Man
1. The Creative Exec
This man is happy to wear linen because he is happy in himself. He is secure enough in his disposition not to allow the creases at the knees and thighs to affect his mood or day. He is taken seriously in the creative world in which he lives, therefore his casual linen look is allowed, almost preferred. He spends his days almost certainly in media and surrounded by media types be it TV, film or advertising but this man is a more bohemian linen wearer unlike his European contemporary. He is most probably aged 40+ but some youngers have been known to adopt this trouser look. He’ll be opting for the light beige or chocolate brown linen trouser or suit with loose tailoring, and a wide legged trouser, worn either with short sleeve but stylishly buttoned linen shirt or for the man in his younger years a plain round necked T-shirt. The trendy type can be found in opened toe smart leather sandals, stamping out their more bohemian identity or the more conservative type will settle for a suede or leather slip on brogue, suitable for street walking or perhaps chair sitting in Lords cricket ground with a panama propped on head to boot.
2. The European Aristocrat
This man too can be found sporting a panama to shade him from the sun as he sips a glass of rose from his own vineyard whilst seated at the head of the family table with views that look out on to Tuscan hills and valleys. He is wealthy and likes to enjoy life. He is naturally sophisticated and so to throw on a creaseless cream linen suit of which many hang in his wadrobe is indeed not at all an occasion for him. He is 65+ and chivalrous to younger ladies. His confidence supported by sharp tailoring and crisp white Italian shirts. His friendly laid back side is reflected in his brown suede tassled moccasins, most probably Salvatore Ferragano; accompanied by silk socks which suggest to the trained eye that here is a distinguished man who like the silk he wears is refined but strong. A man with texture with the inate ability to achieve great things, threading together the lives of others around him that he slips into with charisma and charm. His face, unlike his trousers bear the creases of time and character.
Thursday 19 February 2009
MEN IN TROUSERS (Part II)
‘Without Prejudice’
Incase of controversy I would like to pre empt my next paragraph with a statement of explanation. For the purposes of wit and fluency, I will be drawing from stereo-types which will require you reader to take in all the information with a lightness of mind. I would like to establish that I have dated men from all sizes, creed, colour, background and age and I am not in any way racist or prejudice.
The High Waisted Man
There are two obvious types of this creature. The small and the tall. So as not to offend our smaller man any more than his natural disposition denotes, let me begin with him.
Unlike others of average height and stature the underlying small foundations upon which he is built have created a man that needs to be seen, heard, recognised and above all stand out in a crowd. He is successful, witty charming, aggressive, all of which have earned him his desired achievements. However he is and will always be small and thus in his attempt to be taller has found himself outkast neither man nor woman for he has chosen this path, by the very trousers to which he clings.
Highwaisted.
He has learned from fashion experts and from the female species that highwaisted trousers are pretty much a flattering look all round. They synch in your waist, (I imagine for this man he believes this will enlarge his gym created pecks) and above all they elongate your legs. But there is one vital guidance rule that our creature has passed over . This applies to Women and NOT MEN. This is infact a NO GO ZONE for any creature in possession of a penis. Alas in his vain attempt to be taller and recognised he has shortened his body which he shows off in tight fitting round necked white or black long sleeved t shirts and his boot leg black jeanz that rest on a pair of heeled cowboy boots have all added to the demise of his taller attempts. On some occasions this quick thinking man will team this up with a sharp tailored Italian black suit jacket, worn button open. Once again beckoning the eye not to the length of his legs but only to his offensively high waist band as pronounced as the equator itself, causing not time confusions and jetlag but gender disorientation. His designer belt acts only as a combined light house/ chastity belt alerting women sailing through dark nights to steer clear and redirect for they have fallen off-course.
‘Without Prejudice’
Incase of controversy I would like to pre empt my next paragraph with a statement of explanation. For the purposes of wit and fluency, I will be drawing from stereo-types which will require you reader to take in all the information with a lightness of mind. I would like to establish that I have dated men from all sizes, creed, colour, background and age and I am not in any way racist or prejudice.
The High Waisted Man
There are two obvious types of this creature. The small and the tall. So as not to offend our smaller man any more than his natural disposition denotes, let me begin with him.
Unlike others of average height and stature the underlying small foundations upon which he is built have created a man that needs to be seen, heard, recognised and above all stand out in a crowd. He is successful, witty charming, aggressive, all of which have earned him his desired achievements. However he is and will always be small and thus in his attempt to be taller has found himself outkast neither man nor woman for he has chosen this path, by the very trousers to which he clings.
Highwaisted.
He has learned from fashion experts and from the female species that highwaisted trousers are pretty much a flattering look all round. They synch in your waist, (I imagine for this man he believes this will enlarge his gym created pecks) and above all they elongate your legs. But there is one vital guidance rule that our creature has passed over . This applies to Women and NOT MEN. This is infact a NO GO ZONE for any creature in possession of a penis. Alas in his vain attempt to be taller and recognised he has shortened his body which he shows off in tight fitting round necked white or black long sleeved t shirts and his boot leg black jeanz that rest on a pair of heeled cowboy boots have all added to the demise of his taller attempts. On some occasions this quick thinking man will team this up with a sharp tailored Italian black suit jacket, worn button open. Once again beckoning the eye not to the length of his legs but only to his offensively high waist band as pronounced as the equator itself, causing not time confusions and jetlag but gender disorientation. His designer belt acts only as a combined light house/ chastity belt alerting women sailing through dark nights to steer clear and redirect for they have fallen off-course.
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